Twenty times a day, we utter the words “I’m fine.”
If it's not “fine”, it's “I’m okay”, or maybe even an “I’m good” through a fake smile. It’s usually part of a standard greeting and its one of the most common lies we tell.
Sure, there’s a time and a place where ‘fine’ is appropriate. That coworker who is only asking how you are so they can share their story about the weekend? Fine is fine. Getting into your life story with the girl behind the counter at Starbucks? You can be fine.
But when someone is genuinely asking you about the state of your life, your mental health, or how you’ve been coping, saying that you’re fine causes more harm than good. Here are five reasons why you should stop saying “I’m fine.”
1. It's making you exhausted
Plain and simple, putting on a front all day every day will wear you out. When you suppress your emotions and go through life as though you’re not anxious or depressed, it takes more and more of your energy to keep up the act. If you’re dealing with mental illness, chances are you’re already running on empty; the added stress of being chipper and upbeat might just be enough to push you over the edge. You might not be able to unload on everyone, but you can find a few people to trust and let them in. It might be stressful at first, but over time you will feel your body begin to relax.
2. You’re a balloon:
Not that you’re round and full of air. You’re finite - there is only so much you can hold, only so far you can stretch before you’re going to pop. It's not healthy to suppress your feelings, whether its anger, grief, anxiety or anything else. The more you store up these emotions, the more likely you are to ‘burst’ at a later time. You’ll recognize this behaviour if you’re consistently the type to bottle things up. You fill your balloon with anxiety, grief, pain, and panic, and you expand until eventually, you pop; lashing out at those around you, or turning the explosion inward and having a breakdown. To avoid the inevitable explosion, let your ‘air’ out in small increments. Find someone to share with, start a journal, or find another outlet that will allow you to safely decompress.
3. It gets better than ‘fine’:
Life can be better than fine. Although we will all encounter some difficult and heartbreaking times in our life, things can and will get better. If you commit yourself to a life of ‘fine’, you’ll never experience real happiness or overwhelming joy. Embracing the fact that you’re NOT fine opens the door to real experiences. By saying “I’m not fine”, you’re giving yourself permission to fix what’s broken. Work through the low points so that when you reach the highs, you can fully experience them.
4. You’re not alone:
Out of all the people who say “I’m fine” on a daily basis, you’re not the only one who is dealing with more. Whether you’re struggling with anxiety, facing a deep depression, or wading through the depths of grief and despair, you are not alone. When you finally stop saying I am fine and up to someone, you’ll be amazed at the stories that pour out. One of the worst parts of mental illness is the way it convinces you that you are all alone. If you have no one close to you that you can confide in, a professional counsellor is an excellent outlet.
5. Some things are too big to tackle on your own:
You are resilient, you can handle a lot, but there are just things that you were not meant to tackle alone; mental illness, divorce, death, abuse, family turmoil, addiction and maybe even just that habit you have been trying to break for the last 5 years straight. YOU are often the most difficult person to convince that you’re NOT fine. You need to stop saying you’re fine and start reaching out for help. Whether it is a counsellor, an addictions program, or a friend, there are things in this life that are not ‘fine’. If you’re planning to move forward at any point in the future, you’ll need some outside help. So stop settling for fine, and ask for the help you need.
One thing I know is that life is too short to keep saying “I’m fine”. So take a step, open up to someone and make real change in your life.